This is probably the last month we'll try to make our baby without third party intervention. You'd think a man and a woman doing what they figured out how to do before puberty would be qualified to get it done, but there are times you need to call in the professionals.
It has only been four months since my miscarriage. But I am 37 year old, six months, and 21 days old, and already my 38th birthday is looming over me. The idea of getting old doesn't bother me. It's just this damn pregnancy business.
I have to admit that there is a side of me that wants to put myself in nature's hands. Completely give in to that sweet faith as I would at a revival or a Madonna concert. Trust my body to perform for me as it has for all these years when it memorized the multiplication table, lost those ten pounds, passed the bar. To believe that I won't be left behind while everyone else is saved and allowed to move on to their family scenes. Surely not me, I won't be singled out, right?
But then, a quick perusal of the daily paper reminds me that this same nature is unable to fend for itself against the extinction of the dodo, global warming, and basic human idiocy. If cosmic forces can't align to save a whole species of the Bali tiger, what would it do to ensure that my one egg meets Jeff's sperm? I don't want to go the way of Liu Xiang for one of the most important events of my life. So once we are through with the current box of ovulation sticks, I am going to put in a call to my ob-gyn and put my hands in hers.
Jeff and I are not good at wait and see. If we had been, we may still be single, waiting for that cute guy or gal at the bar to notice us or sitting in front of the tv clipping our toenails while feeling sorry for ourselves. Now we can do the clipping together. We had enough wit to plunk down our hard earned money for six month subscriptions to Yahoo! personals. Yeah, we could have signed up and still not met each other, but that's not the point. The point is that we did. Wouldn't we be fools not to make that kind of a bet again?
Your hope gives me hope.
ReplyDeleteThere is hope. From a fellow Las Vegas Lawyer, I had six miscarriages. I had been to a fertility specialist who told me I had a less than a 1% chance of conceiving on my own, but decided to try it anyway. With a little help from a Clearblue Fertility Monitor and diligence, at 38 years old I got pregnant naturally. I waited through each week I had previously miscarried at praying to God I would keep going on. In the end my pregnancy was as normal as could be. My gorgeous daughter is now three and the love of my life.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment! I love hearing success stories, and yours is a very touching one. I hope I can be as brave as you if I have multiple miscarriages.
ReplyDeleteBeing "brave"--You don't have a choice. Whether you are brave or not, life happens and ultimately we as individuals really do not have any control over many aspects of our lives. How you deal with it will be reflected in your own personal happiness.
ReplyDeleteAnd to tell the truth my faith (born again Christian) made it easier to move forward. I know God is collecting my family in heaven, they will all be there waiting for me when I call to collect them. Couldn’t ask for a better “surrogate”!
God Bless you and your husband, keep your faith, relax, and soon you will be cursing those 2, 3, and 4 a.m. feedings, but loving every minute of it!